Wednesday, April 17, 2013
It's hard to believe that it has been 5 years. Some days it feels like a lifetime ago and other days it feels like it was yesterday. I try hard not to think about the what ifs. They drive me crazy when I do. I am having a hard time this year. I am not sure why this year hurts so much more. Maybe because in my head I know I am done having children even if my heart says there is always room for more. Maybe because he would of started kindergarten in the fall. Whatever the reason I am just sad. Now don't get me wrong I love my girls anyone you ask will tell you they are my everything. When you lose a child you think about things differently you day dream about a life when they are here, you think about the what ifs and the could have beens. It does not mean that you don't love your other children any less. I know that if we did not lose Aiden that Jordyn would not be here simple as that. Would the girls I don't know maybe, maybe we would have had a whole different family. Like I said I try not to think about it. What I do know is the three little girls that are sleeping upstairs have three Guardian angels looking out for them. God most have known that they would need them:)
So today we will have cake and remember all you have taught us.
Happy birthday Aiden thank you for teaching me that after a storm no matter how bad or how long the sun will always come back out.